Identity Crisis - When your ideals clash with existing habits and the expectations from others

A close girlfriend of mine recently posted on Facebook wishing she knew how to be more than just her 'flesh'. She said that she would get "carried away associating [her] appearance to who [she] is or what [she] is".

I love this girl like a sister and could absolutely relate.

I read her post in terms of a desire to be beautiful - as today's mass media would consider it - versus the knowledge that that form of beauty is fake and aspiring towards it demeans our core values.

For the vast majority of my life I strived for 'beauty' as seen in magazines. Size zero, perfect blonde-wavy hair, blemish free...you get the gist. It was so deeply ingrained in me that if I looked this way, my life would be perfect/complete blah blah blah. I was the perfect consumer for the beauty and fashion industry. I was so sold I even worked within these industries for several years.

Thankfully, a couple of years ago - the impending birth of my first child was the real clincher - all of that began to change. I was looking at the world in a different way. Providing the best start to my new baby's life was my new most important task. It sent me on a learning pathway which has sent me deep into a whole new way of life (check out my other posts to read about my new life, goals and ideals).

This friend and I have always been on the same wave length and her story is very similar to mine: baby = mind opened!

So here I was with my relevantly recent change of mind set and a girlfriend in need of some words of support.

Here's what I responded with:

"I am trying so hard to leave the importance I place on my appearance behind. It's hard girl but I feel your pain, it's like, I want to be serious about my environmental concerns, my political opinions and feminism. But dolling-up seems to contradict the message.

I haven't dyed my hair in 2 years, my make up and nail polish collection has reduced to bare basics and my clothing is reduced to basic items (some I'm still struggling to part with).

Surprisingly it's extremely freeing when I drop loads of stuff at hospice. I come home and my house feels lighter some how. The deciding on what to get rid of is the most difficult part but we'll worth breaking past it.

It's a strange thing to knock down your own superficial barriers. Empowering too though. I'm never going to be a size zero model-ista type. I have a lazy eye and my chin is too close to my neck lol. What I do know, though, is that there are more important things to be concerned with in this world. As a Mama I'm going to try my damn hardest to make the world around my babies as best I can. And if I should fail, I hope I bring them up to succeed me in my quest for a better world. (Peace sign emoji)"

What do you think of my response?

I think, overall,we should be true to ourselves. If for 95% of the day you are thinking about your family/the environment/politics/world issues/trying to create a better world then spend 95% of your day trying to act on that stuff. Spending time and/or money on a habit or hobby to please others (or a little bit of instant pleasure to yourself with no lasting power) is just not worth it.

Believe in yourself. Believe that whatever it is you are thinking about the majority of the time, that is the thing you should be doing the majority of the time. Get rid of (sell/recycle/donate/re-gift...I definitely don't mean send to landfill!) the excess that isn't making you 100% happy.

With those items, also get rid of any pressure you feel from others' expectations. The people who have expectations of you, even if they mean well, are either not the right people for you to be associating with or they don't understand the real you. I have this problem with some of my family. The older members in particular have struggled with the dramatic changes I have made or plan to make. They will get there eventually :) I don't expect them to fully support me in everything I/we do with our family but we are just trying new things...the old way of things wasn't working for us...and it seems it doesn't work for a lot of people to be honest!

Do you have any other advice for people struggling with an identity crisis like this? Are you struggling with an identity crisis? Please leave me your comments and stories, I will be sure to reply as best I can.

Good luck to you all.

SheeForce xxx

Developing A Clear Focus, Find Your Passion

Watch, read, read some more and watch some more. Repeat.

You Tube is a sensational tool. Flicking on a video from a You-tuber that I like and just letting the playlist run has been instrumental in introducing me to new but related ideas.

For example, I have an addiction to Starry Hilder's videos. Her enthusiasm for her off-grid homestead, and just her life in general, is inspiring and always makes me feel happy. One of these videos led on to a video from Mat and Danielle (Exploring Alternatives). Now I can't get enough of their videos either! I was impressed with their take on minimilism and in awe of their nomadic lifestyle. One of their videos put me onto the notion of zero waste lifestyles and onto Gittemary Johansen's channel. She is so sweet and very cool and now...guess what...I'm obsessed with her too!

I love reading and regularly borrow books from the library. It's interesting that when you get hooked on a subject the whole thing sort of snowballs. One book leads to another recommended book, to another and may even opens up a whole other library section which you thought was irrelevant to your interests to begin with. All of a sudden an interest in homemaking, becomes homesteading, becomes organic gardening, becomes anti-chemicals, becomes anti-corporation, becomes politically observant/skeptic, becomes off- grid activist minimilist homesteading organic gardening farmer who aims for zero waste! Whew!

Then usually I will turn to blogs. I love the fact that blogs are often short, to the point (except possibly my own! ;) ) and specific. Nice nibble sized pieces of information accessible just about anywhere. Yes! The information age is wondrous!

So let's break it down now, the process to gain clarity which has worked for me is:

1. Watch your favourite You-tuber on a topic which fascinates you and let You Tube run its course.

2. Hopefully a whole lot of relevant videos have popped up and lead you in a direction within the spectrum of your original interest. Watch and keep watching until something jumps.

3. That thing that jumped out at you... watch some more videos and find a book or three (let's be honest, I never walk out of the library with one book!) in your local library which goes further in depth. If your hooked on the book, you've got a winner! If you weren't kept up all night flicking pages then go onto another, then another until you narrow it down.

4. Take any further questions/intrigues to the Google-meister. Find a few blog posts and boom! You should have that idea more focused than before.

I hope this helps you find your passion and a direction towards finding a focus.

Please share with me how you have found your focus/passion and how you continue to develop it. I think this is a never ending path and there is certainly more than one way to go about it. One tiny action/reaction to an experience might be all it took for you to find your path. I would love to read your stories. Please leave a comment below :)

Xx SheeForce

Remembering 'Why We're Doing What We're Doing'...

Bear with me, the below is a random rant about whether our plan is good or not. I very quickly realise we are on the right path!!! Woohoo!

If you have any advice re: trying to sell our business (please no salesmen!!) I would love love love to hear it! Or if you have any other advice, comments, info I would be so greatful to receive it!

So here goes,

I am so desperate to leave our town and business behind yet am afraid that we’re making a move to do the exact same thing in a different environment.

The plan is,

·         Sell the business

·         Sell the house

·         Buy a campervan to travel the country in

·         Travel the country looking for a town we would like to live and bring our babies up in

·         Stay in preferred places for decent period of time to properly gauge the community

·         Purchase property in perfect place

·         Start small online salami business (likely to need more income than this to support us)

·         Enjoy the good life

o   The good life =

§  Less stressful environment

§  Time to enjoy our babies

§  Leisure time to pursue interests

§  Ability to rear some animals and grow crops to largely feed our family

§  Beautiful surrounds

It sounds amazing.

After writing this it is very clearly obvious to me that Auckland just cannot give us these things. The main trouble is the cost of living here is too high.

The only way to get the extra time that will provide the first 4 points is to significantly reduce outgoings. The biggest expense is the mortgage. Being locked into debt for so many years, we simply aren’t comfortable with this notion anymore.

Servicing a very small mortgage for a short period of time plus being as self sufficient in food as possible we should be able to live very cheaply. Though the self sufficiency thing will take up quite a bit of free time, it’s seasonal. We can also do it as much or as little as we like so it can bend with us. The best thing, most of the stuff – moving cattle from one pen to another, feeding chickens, watering plants, harvesting orchards can be done by the whole family. So in a way, the fourth point ties directly into the second point.

Beautiful surrounds is a personal point which I doubt Adam would care much for. While creating a beautiful home and garden takes time and a bit of money here and there, I mean more in terms of the local area. I am so inspired and awestruck by beauty that I feel I must be near to it. I think this is why I am so drawn towards the ocean. While the country side is often pleasant, the ocean is like a jewel. It has so many colours. It changes often. Of course sometimes it’s a snarling beast but even that holds some appeal!

Luckily, New Zealand (and really everywhere on our planet) has beauty readily available. I guess I’m after a particular beauty that I need to see before I know exactly what it is.

So I know what I want to do, I know how I’m going to do it, why don’t I just do it?

Well, the business is on the market. The house we’re fairly confident will be snapped up. But the issue is the selling of our business.

Waiting for someone to buy it, let alone show any interest in it has so far been a horrendous and drawn out process. Feeling as though there’s no one that thinks your business is worth having a go at is disappointing. It might not be making a killing but it works. We make ends meet. We get paid.

So, what the hell do we do about this problem? The problem being that we are desperate to sell our business...

Try to work on and improve the business’ profit seems the best and only option at the moment. Adam is working hard to keep up with the amount of work coming through while I try to access a whole new customer pool – online shoppers...a huge learning curve for me and taking up the majority of my waking, baby-free hours.

I feel as though an online shop would provide the boosted income we require to push us over the break-even level and into profits.

I actually feel really guilty taking time out to write this but I’ve had so many jumbled thoughts in my head, I was desperate to get them down on a piece of (digital) paper. Questioning myself about why we want to sell up and move on. Contemplating the possibility of getting what we want where we want. Thank fully it only took a quarter of a page to remember exactly the reasons for our decision. We must be doing the right thing.

SheeForce

Living Self Sufficiently - Purchasing Land Checklist - Water

Probably the most important thing to think about, before you move off grid towards your self sufficient lifestyle, is the land you will be living off.

From my research so far, the following points are vital (but not exhaustive) to giving you the best start on your new journey. As I learn more and get closer to the end goal I will update this list.

Other topics will follow ☺

1. Water Source.
We all know that fresh, drinkable water is the number one necessity for life. Think about the amount of water you will need for you and your family in terms of drinking, cooking, cleaning, showers/baths, toilets...as some examples.
Think also of your garden. Most of your crops are going to be maturing over summer requiring daily watering.
If you are keeping animals for eggs, milk and meat, all of which require a constant water source.
In New Zealand we face drought every summer in most regions. Where is your water coming from when there is no significant rain fall for a couple of months? On the flip side, during periods of heavy rainfall, how is your plot of land going to handle it. Will some areas become boggy or flooded? Is there a stream or river on or near your land that might overflow?
Something one of the ladies I follow on You Tube (Starry Hilder) says, which I think is great and will be keeping in mind is "two is one and one is none". Two water sources is the goal.
Rain water collection is easy. With some financial outlay you can purchase water tanks, guttering and piping to connect to your house. You can set it up yourself. Use common sense, think about gravity and use the Internet to get inspired and find out about the finer details these set ups.
The second water source will depend on the location of the property. Look out for streams, creeks, springs and if there are any bore or well opportunities. Again, use the Internet to figure out how to utilise these sources.
As an aside, it is probably a good idea to have any natural water sources tested so you can be certain they will be fine for consumption. If it's a stream or river that flows through the property, find out from neighbours, Google maps etc to see if there is anything untoward that could potentially harm your source. I'm thinking commercial pesticides and fertilizers which might contain some nasties.
With rain water and other water sources, even after having confirmation that they're potable, I would recommend boiling the water as a minimum requirement.

That's all I have to say on water at this stage :) I hope it helps!

Please leave comments and questions!

SheeForce

The War On Sugar - Jamie Oliver ' New TV Show "Jamie's Sugar Rush"

Go Jamie. Cant wait to watch his new series called Jamie's Sugar Rush.

Sugar is BAD people. You don't need it. Have honey instead. Use fruit. Stevia. Even better, save some pennies and invest a little time and less money by putting some soil in a pot and sowing some stevia seeds like me! There are plenty of alternatives to the white stuff around.

Beware the hidden sugar. Avoid processed foods. Learn the different names for sugar marketers and the like have invented to confuse you.

Check ingredients lists...they are there for you. Food industry and government do nothing to protect uneducated people from their food choices. Educate yourself.

This is scary stuff guys. Time to wake up and start asking more questions. Question everything. Do your own research. Don't rely on studies funded by big business. This goes for everything. Stop consuming. Start creating and learning and acting.

Peace.

SheeForce

Starting an Edible Organic Garden - 1

Introductions are in order...

Hi and welcome to my blog! I thought I would start with a little bit about me and what I hope this blog will become.

First off, I'm a 20 something first time Mama to a beautiful baby boy. We live together with my partner and my Mum in a little country, at the bottom of the world, called New Zealand.

Since becoming pregnant with our first son, my outlook on life and the world has changed. I have always had an appreciation for the environment and some concerns about the industrialised way in which our first world culture affects it. Pregnancy gave me the opportunity to reflect more on these issues. Researching and learning how to care for a baby opened my eyes to our world of corporate reliance, social conditioning, fear, and debt - to name a few!

How did I go from baby rearing to this, you might ask? I'm not entirely sure to be honest. But perhaps it's partly because of the billions of products made for babies (and humans of all ages) which turn out to be detrimental to their health and our environment. Countless reports on hidden chemicals which could affect the health of our offspring (and us!). Disposable nappies filling up holes in the ground along with the rest of our rubbish. The truth is, most of these products we don't need. But clever business marketers tell us that we need to buy these products and there is no other alternative if you are a modern, civilised human.

Growing up, I wanted to make a difference. My Mum has a memory of me coming home from school one day and saying something along the lines of, "Mum, I want to change the world". I haven't been successful in this adolescent quest just yet, and maybe I won't be able to singlehandedly change the whole world but I am starting to figure out what exactly needs to be changed.

And that my friends, is what my plan is for this blog. Figuring out what is wrong with the world and giving some solutions a go. Sharing my research and experiences with like-minded people and documenting my attempt to 'change the world'.

SheeForce