A close girlfriend of mine recently posted on Facebook wishing she knew how to be more than just her 'flesh'. She said that she would get "carried away associating [her] appearance to who [she] is or what [she] is".
I love this girl like a sister and could absolutely relate.
I read her post in terms of a desire to be beautiful - as today's mass media would consider it - versus the knowledge that that form of beauty is fake and aspiring towards it demeans our core values.
For the vast majority of my life I strived for 'beauty' as seen in magazines. Size zero, perfect blonde-wavy hair, blemish free...you get the gist. It was so deeply ingrained in me that if I looked this way, my life would be perfect/complete blah blah blah. I was the perfect consumer for the beauty and fashion industry. I was so sold I even worked within these industries for several years.
Thankfully, a couple of years ago - the impending birth of my first child was the real clincher - all of that began to change. I was looking at the world in a different way. Providing the best start to my new baby's life was my new most important task. It sent me on a learning pathway which has sent me deep into a whole new way of life (check out my other posts to read about my new life, goals and ideals).
This friend and I have always been on the same wave length and her story is very similar to mine: baby = mind opened!
So here I was with my relevantly recent change of mind set and a girlfriend in need of some words of support.
Here's what I responded with:
"I am trying so hard to leave the importance I place on my appearance behind. It's hard girl but I feel your pain, it's like, I want to be serious about my environmental concerns, my political opinions and feminism. But dolling-up seems to contradict the message.
I haven't dyed my hair in 2 years, my make up and nail polish collection has reduced to bare basics and my clothing is reduced to basic items (some I'm still struggling to part with).
Surprisingly it's extremely freeing when I drop loads of stuff at hospice. I come home and my house feels lighter some how. The deciding on what to get rid of is the most difficult part but we'll worth breaking past it.
It's a strange thing to knock down your own superficial barriers. Empowering too though. I'm never going to be a size zero model-ista type. I have a lazy eye and my chin is too close to my neck lol. What I do know, though, is that there are more important things to be concerned with in this world. As a Mama I'm going to try my damn hardest to make the world around my babies as best I can. And if I should fail, I hope I bring them up to succeed me in my quest for a better world. (Peace sign emoji)"
What do you think of my response?
I think, overall,we should be true to ourselves. If for 95% of the day you are thinking about your family/the environment/politics/world issues/trying to create a better world then spend 95% of your day trying to act on that stuff. Spending time and/or money on a habit or hobby to please others (or a little bit of instant pleasure to yourself with no lasting power) is just not worth it.
Believe in yourself. Believe that whatever it is you are thinking about the majority of the time, that is the thing you should be doing the majority of the time. Get rid of (sell/recycle/donate/re-gift...I definitely don't mean send to landfill!) the excess that isn't making you 100% happy.
With those items, also get rid of any pressure you feel from others' expectations. The people who have expectations of you, even if they mean well, are either not the right people for you to be associating with or they don't understand the real you. I have this problem with some of my family. The older members in particular have struggled with the dramatic changes I have made or plan to make. They will get there eventually :) I don't expect them to fully support me in everything I/we do with our family but we are just trying new things...the old way of things wasn't working for us...and it seems it doesn't work for a lot of people to be honest!
Do you have any other advice for people struggling with an identity crisis like this? Are you struggling with an identity crisis? Please leave me your comments and stories, I will be sure to reply as best I can.
Good luck to you all.
SheeForce xxx
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